BeefGir's Funny Archives

hey guys, this isnt a cooking mama thread so if your hopes are high, sorry to let you down. but this is a cooking thread. im intrested in cooking, but the only things i could cook is anything that goes in the microwave, ramen noodles, toost, and burnt ceral (never really figured how i managed to burn it though). but i dont want this to be like a recipe thread, i want this to be a tips and starters guide to cooking. like for example, "the recipe call fors 3 teaspoons of suger, but i find that 5 teaspoons bring out the sweatness of the dish." in other words your own personal recipes and starters guide thread.

tip GET GOOD KNIFES and take care of them they can last a long time and make a grate investment

ill share my awesome alfraido sauce

get some heavey cooking creem (10%-15%)unsalted butter parmajon cheese  garlic (fresh)(3-4big cloves) basil origano pepper

1 chop your garlic nice and fine (if u have a garlic press use that)

chop your herbs really fine (if therer fresh)

3 put some butter in the pan (atleast 3 tbs)

(med to med-high heat)

4add your cream and your cheese and mix well balence it out to your taste (it will thicken)

5once you see steam add your herbs

6stir continuously (adjust cream/cheese/butter mixture to taste)

once you are satisfied with the coulor and texture put it on some pasta and eat

french toast:

milk,eggs,sugar, cinamin(if u have premixed ciniman and sugar get that too), french bread (the fat ones not the bagete) or if your lazy get presliced white bread , nutmeg

get a bowel put all your shit in there exept the bread with lots of cinamin and sugar

(about 1 egg per cup of milk, cinamin, sugar and nutmeg to taste)

mix

now heat your pan (med-medhighheat)  and spray it with nonstick shit

let your bread soak in the batter mix for 5-10 seconds on each side (depending on how dry it is presliced u ussaly dont need to do much with) and put it on the pan (repeat for as many slices as u have room for on your pan)

sprinkle cinamin(and sugar) on the slices that are cooking and some in the bowel (for the next batch)

flip when it dosent fall apart and cook till golden and smell awesome repeat till you run out of batter or bread

serve with maple surip

(if you are a super lazy duchbag get eggnog it is pretty much the same thing and dosent taste as good)

oh btw theses are my recipies (note the lack of percise mesurements and crudity of the instructions)

om nom nom, killernat's food.

Hey guise, i'll translate my recipes for you. I just wont be able to do it this week because my mom is coming over and because I have a surgery Monday and that i'll recover all week, but as soon as i'll get in shape i'll translate my recipes to share them with you.

oh grilled chese:

bread cheese (preferably cheader and or motzarella) butter/margerine

1 butter one side of the bread put it on the pan (med-medhigh heat)butterside down

2 put some butter on the top now put cheese lots of it

(what i like to do is bread|craftsingle|shreadedcheese|craft single|bread)

3 but some butter on one side and put it face down on the cheeseand butter the top

4 when the cheses is partly melted (enough to hold the bread to gather alittle) flip it

5wait for it to fully melt

6take of pan cut it diagonaly and eat

oh look now you have a full day of meals breakfast lunch and dinner

You can add everything to the grilled cheese. Like ham, bacon, olives. mmm olives.

killernat at April 8, 2011 at 10:24 PM

french toast:

milk,eggs,sugar, cinamin(if u have premixed ciniman and sugar get that too), french bread (the fat ones not the bagete) or if your lazy get presliced white bread , nutmeg

get a bowel put all your shit in there exept the bread with lots of cinamin and sugar

(about 1 egg per cup of milk, cinamin, sugar and nutmeg to taste)

mix

now heat your pan (med-medhighheat)  and spray it with nonstick shit

let your bread soak in the batter mix for 5-10 seconds on each side (depending on how dry it is presliced u ussaly dont need to do much with) and put it on the pan (repeat for as many slices as u have room for on your pan)

sprinkle cinamin(and sugar) on the slices that are cooking and some in the bowel (for the next batch)

flip when it dosent fall apart and cook till golden and smell awesome repeat till you run out of batter or bread

serve with maple surip

(if you are a super lazy duchbag get eggnog it is pretty much the same thing and dosent taste as good)

My grandmothers french bread recipe is different. Its basically only eggs and a lot of sugar mixed together. So we dont need maple syrup.

1/4 c. (1/2 stick) softened butter
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
1 tsp. vanilla
1 lb. box confectioners' sugar

Ground cinnamon

Cream butter and cream cheese. Beat in the vanilla and confectioners' sugar, Roll into balls the size of a walnut. Roll in cinnamon and refrigerate until firm. Makes 3 dozen.

 

IRISH POTATOS MOTHER F***ERS

sorry i was gone for a bit, long weekend. but thanks everyone. ill make sure to try everyones recipe when the time rises. ive been so heartrenchyingly busy and tired day in and out.

PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES!

1 cup sugar

1 cup of peanut butter

1 large egg

preheat oven to 375.

stir all ingrediants together

roll into balls and stick em on a pan. leave room inbetween. they will expand.

stick in oven for 10 minuts.

?????????????

Profit! (or just eat them.

If you are lazy a crock pot is your best friend.

Chili:

2 cans pinto beans

1 can chili bean

1 can kindney bean

1 paket chili powder (spicy or not up to you)

1 can diced tomato

1.5 lb of hameburger meat

some diced Jalapeños if you want some heat

Break up and brown the meat.

Put everything in the crock pot on low for about 3 hours. Stir every half hour or so.

Eat for a week.

dont do what i said. that recepy just turns into fire. the thought of any of u burning your house down just worrys me a little to much.

well my guess is that it turns into a gooy mess  it needs flour

Beefgir, why would it turn into a fire? It's the same recipe they give on peanut butter can. I made it so often lol.

Hm, its not my awesome recipes yet. I'm too dizzy to type one full but, here a cool website when you dont know what to cool with whats left in your fridge :

www.myfridgefood.com

BeefGir at April 14, 2011 at 3:55 AM

dont do what i said. that recepy just turns into fire. the thought of any of u burning your house down just worrys me a little to much.

why wasnt i warned about this before!!!!

also congradulations on becoming a admin killernat

Mashed potatoes of the DOOM

I made those friday and they are definatly not a good thing to eat a few days after a tonsilectomy. It brought back the intense pain in my throat. But when you're healty, those potatoes are SO YUMMY.

First, you mash potatoes with the potatoes masher.

Then you add Kraft Dinner cheese, chicken cream, garlic butter and a little of tacos seasonning. Mix and NOM.

i was too afraid to eat them lol

You should have taste them so you could have tell everyone how good cooker i am.

here's my promised hot-dog sauce! And as a bonus : hawaian porkchop. I'm not sure if its really hawaian but my parents called it that way. It's spicy and I love it.

I hope you'll understand my badly translated recipes. It was so much harder than expected to translate them ><. If you  have any questions, ask me and i'll answer you the best as i can. I know those recipes by heart lol.

Caro's FABULOUS hot-dog sauce.

Ingredients: 

1 pound of hot-dog sausages. (or 12 hot-dog)

1 cup of shredded onions

1 cup of shredded celery

1 cup of water

some cornstarch

284 condensed tomato soup

2 table spoon of brown sugar

1/2 tea spoon of garlic salt

1 tea spoon of oregano

1/2 tea spoon of girofle clove (can't find the correct translation. I'll ask killernat  when he'll be back)

1/4 tea spoon of cayenne pepper.

Mix water and cornstarch and then add all ingredients together in a boiling pan, except the hot-dogs. Make everything boil at about the medium temperature. When the celery is cooked, add hot dogs and wait 5 minutes. The sauce should be thick and spicy. Serve with bread, mashed potatoes or rice. 

With almost the same sauce : Hawaian pork-chops.

Put all the ingredients, except corn-starch and hot-dog, in a roast-pan without the grill in the bottom.(1) . Add up to 6 pork-chops (with bones) or 10 porcchop (boneless). Bake 1 hour at 350 degrees. Serve with rice or mashed potatos and nom.

Notes:

1 - i need the translation for this